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Dear Amy,

 

My girlfriend is obsessed with her phone. We can’t go out to dinner, watch a movie or even have a conversation without her scrolling through social media. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she says I’m overreacting. How can I get her to put down her phone and be present?

 

Sincerely, Digitally Disconnected

 

Dear Digitally Disconnected,

 

Well, it sounds like you’re facing the dreaded phenomenon of “phubbing”— being snubbed by a phone. But don’t worry — I have a surefire strategy: Join her in her phone obsession. Yep, watch over her shoulder every time she picks up her phone and comments on everything she sees. 

“Oh, who’s that in the photo? Is she an old friend, or a current enemy? Did you really like that post, or are you just trying to avoid drama?” 

Become so involved in her digital world that she’s forced to put the phone down just to escape your commentary.

Still no luck? Start “rewarding” her when she’s phone-free, like you’re training a puppy. Every five minutes without her phone, give her a compliment or, better yet, a small treat. “Good job, honey! You looked me in the eyes for seven seconds — here’s a cookie.” It’s not weird at all and won’t backfire. Probably.

If all else fails, go with my personal favorite: Only interact with her through her phone. If she asks you a question, text her the answer. At dinner, text her how much you like the food. Send selfies from across the room. 

When she tries to engage you face-to-face, send a voice memo saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t understand you without emojis.” She’ll eventually get the hint, or at least discover the fun in real-life conversations again.

Now, for some actual advice: Relationships today face a lot of challenges from technology. It might help to calmly talk about why it bothers you and how it affects your connection. Be specific—don’t just say, “You’re always on your phone,” but rather, “I feel distant when we’re together and I’d love more time where we’re both focused on each other.”

You might also want to ask if she’s dealing with something, like stress or anxiety, that’s making her turn to social media as a distraction.

And remember, if she does put effort into being more present, be sure to acknowledge it. It’s not about perfection; it’s about being willing to make changes for each other.

 

Best of bad advice,

Amy