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Dear Amy,

 

My husband and I have been married for five years, and he’s a great guy, but he’s terrible at doing chores. Every time he “helps” around the house, I end up redoing everything! How do I get him to start doing things the right way?

 

Sincerely, Overworked and Over It

 

Dear Overworked,

 

Ah, yes, the ol’ “chore challenge”— a battle as old as time. But don’t worry, I have the perfect solution: Do nothing. That’s right, just let the chaos unfold. When he folds the laundry so poorly that your shirts look like modern art sculptures, leave them that way. When he “cleans” the kitchen but somehow makes it dirtier, simply smile and let the mess multiply. Eventually, the house will become so uninhabitable that he’ll either A) beg you to show him how to do it right or B) move out. Either way, you’ve solved the problem!

Another option is to hold an award ceremony every time he does a chore. Roll out the red carpet, hand him a gold trophy and give a heartfelt recognition speech. “For Best Performance in Vacuuming Only Half the Room, the award goes to… my husband!” After a while, he’ll either improve out of sheer embarrassment or start vacuuming the other half of the room to earn a full award.

Still not working? Try chore sabotage. “Accidentally” replace the dish soap with glue and watch as he glues the dishes together. The shock alone will force him to rethink his cleaning techniques. Bonus: You’ll never have to clean another dish again, because now you have an artistic installation in your kitchen called “The Great Dish Blob.”

If these tips don’t work, try this. First, acknowledge that he’s trying. He may not be doing things the way you want them done, but it’s great that he’s helping. Take a moment to reflect on whether the issue is that he’s actually doing the chores poorly, or if it’s more about him not doing them your way. Sometimes the standards we set can be a little too specific and if the end result is a clean room, maybe it’s okay if the method is not exactly how you would have done it.

Instead of redoing his work, show him how you’d prefer things be done, and explain why it matters to you. Be patient, because these things take time and focus on sharing the load rather than striving for perfection. At the end of the day, teamwork is more important than a perfectly folded towel.

 

Best of bad advice,

Amy